I recently read this post in which TDoT rants about people who start Facebook pages for their pets. I do not in any way mean to offend anyone, but I find it ridiculous. However, if you are having fun, Facebook your hearts out on behalf of your pets!
Anyway, that, along with an incident in which I misplaced my wallet yesterday, got me to thinking…about how entertaining it would be to have a Facebook page for things that I constantly misplace. My key ring , wallet, and cell phone are top on this list. What would it be like if they had Facebook pages on which to update their statuses?
My key ring (containing keys and keyless entry fob, those malicious bastards), would constantly be saying something like, ” ‘Fell’ behind the shoe rack again today! B**** couldn’t find me for an entire day! I jingled so much! Lolz!” On winter days, I am sure they say something like, “It was so dang cold this morning; there was NO WAY I was going to let her use keyless entry today!” On summer days, they say almost the exact same thing, except that it is too hot for them. Apparently my keyless entry is a lazy jerk that only does it job within a certain range of temperature. Whiners!
“Hiding behind shoes! She won’t find me here! Tee hee!”
My wallet, on the other hand, seems to be quite fond of its lot in life. Most days. “I LIKE the bottom of this bag, and that is where I plan on staying! You can dig all you want, sistah, but you’ll NEVER find me!” Some days, though, she has PMS. (My wallet is unequivocally a girl because she is purple, teal, and pink, and has a pretty floral pattern on it.) Yesterday, I went to find my wallet, sure that she was hiding in the bottom of my bag like she is wont to do, but no. She was not to be found. She was on the second to top shelf of my book shelf. Almost out of site. My Facebook status was updated to say, “I am missing my wallet. It you stole it, bring it back or I will find you and cut you with a spoon, and it will hurt!” Her Facebook would have said, “It will take her hours to remember she put me up here. What an idiot!”
“Let’s play, ‘Where’s Wallet?”
And my phone. That thing gets lost EVERYWHERE. Apparently, it contains some sort of cloaking device or camouflage that prevents me from finding it once I set it down somewhere. Its Facebook told me so. “Right here on the movie shelf at eye level, lady, why can’t you see me?! What is WRONG with you?”
“Plain sight! The best kind of camouflage there is!”