On Men’s Grooming

I am a fan of proper men’s grooming.  To me, this means showering every day, wearing some aftershave, or even better – wearing cologne, wearing clean clothes, preferably not all baggy or torn up, and having good hair.

What do you mean “good hair”?  Clean, in its proper place, not a friggin’ ball of fuzz, no dreads, NOT LONGER THAN MINE, not even NEAR the length of mine – no matter how clean it is.  Basically, what I am leading up to here is that I think men with long hair are icky….ICKY!

When I was younger, I distinctly remember my mom thinking that long-haired men are gorgeous.  That is the word she used.  Gorgeous.  I just do not see it.  I do not get it.  Very few men, in my opinion can pull off long hair, and at that, it is usually hair that is only chin to shoulder-length or so.

Examples of men that can pull off long-ish hair:

Viggo Mortenson?  Yes.  Ooooh yes.

Not this guy!!  But he sure is giving Rapunzel a run for her money!     

Hugh Jackman?  Yep!  Wolverine – your hair can be whatever length you want, and you’ll still be smokin’ hot!

Not this guy either.  YEESH – it is even worse when it is curly!

 I think perhaps the worst offender, though, is Fabio.  He has had long hair FOREVER!  Longer than forever.  How old is that guy now anyway??  I know that he is a regular for the romance novel  industry – appearing on tons and tons of different romance novel covers.  Gross.  While I used to avidly read romance novels, which probably made me the hopeless romantic I secretly am today, I will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever times infinity, read a  novel with FABIO on the cover.

 

I do not ever want to picture HIM when I picture the romantic hero in a book.  Bleh!

Something else that does not work is the long hair/long goatee look.

Hello Mr. Scraggles, can I borrow you a pair of scissors?

Oooooh, you can whip your hair and beard back and forth.  You are definitely going to give Willow Smith a run for her money.

I just do not get why any woman would find this sexy.  So much hair.  What if you want to get….romantic.  Where do you put the hair?  In a ponytail?

Oh yeah, he has got it goin’ on! 

  And what about the goatee?  What do you with that?  Braid it?

Mmmmm.  Yeah.  I can see how that is…..attractive.

Long hair.  It is creepy and weird.  And a total deal breaker for me.  I will run away in terror.  Seriously.

Basically, the moral of this rant is that there is only one guy who can pull of any of these looks.  Who is that, you ask?

Johnny Depp, of course!

     

Long hair.                               Short hair.                  No hair.  

                                
Short hair/goatee/glasses.            Long hair AND braided goatee.       Short hair/goatee/no shirt – this

                                                                                                                                         is probably his best look.

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3 thoughts on “On Men’s Grooming

    1. Yep! And Johnny is the only man on Earth who can pull of all or any look he wants, apparently! Haha! Even though I heard he doesn’t wash his hair, but I never knew that until about a week ago. So, I guess he can even pull off not grooming. 😉

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