On the Dating Website, My Amazing Guessing Skills, and How I Do Not Want to “Hang Out” With a Douche

I am sure that I have previously mentioned my renewal on the dating website I joined like a bajillion years ago.  Remember?  On my daily run-through of the various internet sites I like to check in on, I have included this site in order to chuckle wholeheartedly at the members, and come one, let’s face it, we all feel a little thrill when we see new notificiations whether its Facebook, Word Press, or for me, even the dating website.  It is fun to see who will message me, if anyone, though I have never met anyone from this site, and do not know if I ever would anyway because I am a little bit afraid of being murdered;  Craigslist happenings have made me quite leery of meeting someone that I met online in real life for any purpose.  Although, I suppose that there is just as much of a chance of being murdered by by someone you meet in person, or through a newspaper, etc.  I guess you never can tell.  But I digress, and rather morbidly at that.

On this website, I received a message about a month ago from someone without a picture, and with no profile information whatsoever, asking me about my dad and if I was his daughter.  “Why yes, yes I am.  Who the heck are you?” was my initial response.  To which he told me that he knew me back when I lived in my hometown and my dad was his friend, but he could not tell me his name because he was not supposed to be on a dating website.  “Why not?”  Well, turns out this “gentleman” [obviously using that term quite loosely]  has a girlfriend, but no worries!  He is only on this website looking for friends to hang out with.  And have I figured out who I am talking to yet?  Seriously, what is this, a 1965 board game??

Am I supposed to figure out who you are based on the limited clues I have at my disposal??

Turns out, I did just that.  I win a Mystery Date!  Except I would NOT go on that mystery date for anything.

“Well as a matter of fact, there is only one person I know in Mankato that considers my dad to be his friend, who is also my age, but in the event I am wrong, I will just go ahead and ask my dad,” I say.  His response is an emphatic “Please please please don’t tell your dad!”  WTF?!  You innocently joined a dating website to make “friends”, but I cannot tell my dad.

He continues with something like “So, let’s hang out.  Here;s my number ###-###-####.  Give me a call sometime.”

Yeah, I will get right on that.  By which I mean, I  will never ever call him.  Because, why would I?  I am not lacking in friends, dates, or awkward situations.  I can get all of those things on my own.

Well I recently checked that site again, and I found I had a new message.  Intriguing.  Who wants to “get to know me better”?  No one.  It is the aforementioned “just looking for friends on a dating website” guy.

“Hey how come you never hit me up? Did you just not ever like me or what? I mean I guess it would be fun to hang out with an old friend.”

He’s admonishing me for not wanting to hang out with him and for not liking him?!  Really?!  I have nothing to hide; you do.  I try not to get myself involved in creepy situations such as that.  So I replied, quite scathingly:

“I’m sorry- I’ve actually been really busy, you know, being a single mom, working full time, and juggling all of my other more important responsibilities. Plus since we haven’t hung out in, oh ever, except once, I didn’t think it was a big deal. but excuse me while I juggle my whole schedule around to make room for a dude who “hit me up” on a dating website claiming to be looking for friends when this is clearly NOT the forum for that, and whom won’t even let me tell my dad – the only person we actually have in common, because he is hiding aforementioned dating website membership from his CURRENT girlfriend. I will get right on that. Geez.”

The essence of my message is this minus Obama’s face.

Ugh.

Next up – a continuation of the “I want to show you a picture of my junk via text message” guy story.

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2 thoughts on “On the Dating Website, My Amazing Guessing Skills, and How I Do Not Want to “Hang Out” With a Douche

  1. You should read the blog “Tales of a Charm City Chick.” She is an old friend of mine, and I think the two of you share similar and entertaining stories and would probably enjoy each other’s writings.

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