Monthly Archives: June 2012

On Mid-Week Musings [No. 1]

I have been attempting to idea generate.  It’s working…sort of.  Most articles I read tell one to look around his or her daily life for inspiration to write, and “soon it will snowball from there!”  Okay, okay, that’s not a direct quote from anyone or -where, but you get the idea.  Basically, my daily life should generate ALL of the ideas I should ever need.

Here is the problem with that:  I work in a legal profession where confidentiality is key.  I simply cannot tell you those stories.  They are not mine to share most of the time, anyways.  Here is my other problem – while I LOVE LOVE LOVE Q dearly, I do not always find it appropriate to write about my child on my blog.  Plus, I like to mix it up.  So I feel that sometimes it is okay to throw Q stories in, but I would like to write about other things.

Well, my idea generating has resulting in…well…an idea.  I found this wonderful book, which I eventually plan on purchasing, titled The Secret Me and another titled Q and A a Day and yet another titled 642 Things to Write Journal.  

So mid-week, I decided to post about some random ruminations.  [I tried very hard to find an alliteration for Wednesday or Thursday that would incorporate a synonym of “thoughts”;  I did not do a very good job of it.  So, we’re stuck with “Mid-Week Musings”.]

Anyway, on to it:  [FYI, not everyone post will have this much of a lead up.  Whew!  Right?]

When were you born?  1984 – the year that the novel of the same name is set in.  [10 miscellaneous, arbitrary, and useless points to anyone who tells me the author’s name WITHOUT Google!  (Not that I’ll ever know if you do. 😉 )]

Where were you born?  I actually don’t know the answer, except to say somewhere in the Twin Cities in the great State of Minnesota.  I listed Minneapolis on my son’s birth certificate for my place of birth, though.

Can you play chess?  No, I cannot.  But there’s an app for that.

Do you believe in love at first sight?  I am not entirely sure I do.  But, I am not entirely sure I do not.  I DO believe in like at first sight.   Happens WAY too much for to me.

Where do you currently live?  In Mankato, Minnesota.

When you die, you’d like to have your body:  [ X ] Buried  [ X ]Cremated  [    ]Frozen  [    ]Mummified    I really hope I do not have to worry about this for a long, long time.  But I guess, for me, whatever my family thinks is fine by me.  It’s not like I will be effected one way or the other.  It’s up to my loved ones to decide how they feel they could best honor my memory and grieve me.

Which of your parents named you?  I am not sure, but I would guess my mom.  I am named after the movie Savannah Smiles.  I was told all the while I was growing up how I looked like the little girl in the movie.  I have never seen said movie.

What was your first word?  I probably should have investigated these questions before I answered them, but I really didn’t think that far ahead, and besides, where’s the fun and spontaneity in that?!

Would you choose to be immortal if given the chance?  [    ]Yes  [ X ]No  I’m not at all confident in this answer.  I am struggling with the paradigm of feeling young and wanting to act young [probably younger than I am on both accounts], but facing getting older, and not knowing how  to reconcile the two.

Do you believe in karma?  [ X ]Yes  [    ]No  Heck yes, I do.   And everyone is going to get their’s – good OR bad.

And there you have it.  My first installation of Mid-Week Musings.  🙂

On Self-Confidence and Character

In a multitude of discussions with my closest cousin, who coincidentally is male, we have determined that the young women of today need more confidence.  It’s a bit of an epidemic if you ask me.  I wholeheartedly feel that if there were a plethora of self-confident young women – self-confident in the RIGHT way and for the RIGHT reasons, there wouldn’t be as many orange colored, duck-face making, too drunk young women running around trying to gain the attention of ANY male who looked her way.  Adding to that, I think that more women would be able to recognize the quality young men that are already a part of their lives.

Maybe it would snowball from there?  Maybe, then, the STD rate would be lower, or there wouldn’t be as many single young women out there with multiple children who they can’t adequately support, or simply, there would be more women who walk with their heads held high because they KNOW they have worth.

I, like any other girl woman female person, have moments where I doubt myself, have what I call “a low self-esteem” day.  Who doesn’t?  But, I can honestly say that while there are things that I would like to improve upon in my life, if I were to stay exactly where I am at right now, in this moment, I would be proud to live the rest of my life where I am at.  I am comfortable with me, with my career, with my accomplishments.

Maybe it’s an age thing, maybe it’s a “come to terms with you are” thing, maybe it’s simply that I stopped trying to gain other people’s approval and realized that the first person who needs to be proud of me, is me.  Or maybe it’s because I am raising a son, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to raise a respectful, polite, honest young man.

Sure, I want a new car, and I’d like to get my law degree, and I have braces, and I live in a two bedroom apartment.  But those are accomplish-able goals, not character defects.  My character, I feel, is solid.  My self-confidence is high.  I am who I am.

I wish I could convey this message to all young people, and especially to young women:

Search within yourself.  Find and recognize in yourself something of worth.  Whatever that thing may be, be proud of that thing.  And believe others when they tell you that you are someone to be proud of and that you do, in fact, have worth.

[Especially if it’s your cousin who tells you that and who isn’t shy of sharing her honest opinion; she doesn’t waste time giving false compliments to people.  ;)]

On the One[s] Who Got Away [and Why That Is Okay]

For those who are caught up on my all of my posts, you know that I have attempted to describe in detail, before, the multitude of feelings regarding love and self-confidence and the intersection of them.  I can never 100% put my finger on a really good description that truly conveys what it’s like for me, personally.  This article is pretty accurate.

However, in case  you don’t want to read the whole thing, here are some highlights that I found really struck a cord, or two, within me:

“To be honest, the sequence of events – with years and years intervening – is hazy in my mind, though the memories are as intense as if it all happened yesterday. “

“Every time he looked at me, I felt like my life would be incomplete without him, and that something – him – was missing from within me at that very second. I would smile back.”

“I felt like I’d been made a part of the universe and that everything in creation existed – in some way – to please me. “

“I’d felt – so strongly – what was possible between two people. But it was also a curse. I constantly yearned for that heavy, consuming passion. For the unspoken intimacy in the moment our lips connected. I can only describe it as transcendence.”

“But since he and I had been absolutely avoiding each other for over 10 years, the message felt like a revelation.”

“I’m a better person for having felt and understood those feelings. I aspire to an all-consuming love. I’m released from my attachment to that man and that moment in particular, and I’m free to find – and have found – more thrilling adventures in life and in love.”

I can honestly say, there are a few of those in my life.  The One Who Got Away.  They’re not all “loves of my life”, nor are they all ex-boyfriends.  But they do hold an auspicious place in my head and in my heart.  I sometimes sit and think, “What if?”  What if I had married THAT guy?  What if HE had called me back?  Why DID he re-add me to Facebook, message me, and then stop talking to me all-together?  How come THAT guy texted me and made plans with me a week in advance, and then completely bailed on me; or better yet, what made him decide to text me in the first place – as it was a year since we’d last spoken?  What would have happened if HE had thought of me as more than “just a friend”?  [And who doesn’t hate hearing, “we’re just friends“?!]  I don’t know.  I don’t know.   I don’t know.   I don’t know.  And I don’t know.  I’ll probably never know, because there’s comes a point when you need let it be just that: speculation.  Maybe someday, I’ll know.  Or maybe someday, I will never think of one or more of them again.  And you know what, I’m quite okay with that because I learn more and more about myself everytime.  Or in some cases, the simple act of initially catching their eye boosts my confidence a little bit.  After all, who doesn’t love a bit of innocent flirting?  😉

Ps,  my favorite line of the whole article?  “Don’t judge! Social networking has made proud internet stalkers of us all.”

On Standards

Do you know what I disapprove of?  Bad, no terrible, dating advice.  Do you know what I am even more disapproving of?  Terrible dating advice to young women insinuating that crappy behavior from a guy is acceptable and she lower her standards [or maybe have none at all] so that the following seems appealing:

Dear Girls:  this is stupid advice.

There are so many things wrong with that advice.  The terrible grammar or the fact that pausing a video game somehow signifies that this guy is some sort of great, awesome, reliable, worthwhile guy.  Like, “Oh wow!  He paused his game for ME!   Oh my goodness gracious, I am soooo lucky.”  No.  There are two ways to respond to this, at least to me: 1) the guy in question SHOULD be texting you back if he appreciates you; or 2) chill out chicky, he’s busy and will text you back when he gets a chance.  Probably first chill out, and then realize he appreciates you if he takes time to do that.  HOWEVER, that’s not a reason to marry someone.

Now, this.  This is a reason to marry someone. 

But you know what, don’t take dating advice from me girls; I’m single.

But wait, do you know why I’m single.  Because I have standards.  I am confident in myself, and not willing to settle for a doof.  I know that I am not willing to get into a relationship with a guy who looks like this:

…or is only as smart as this:

..or worse, a combination of these two. [I think I confused Google when I entered the search term “short, fat, bald fish”.  It showed me some pictures of short, fat, bald men and then other pictures of people fishing or of fish.  Sorry about that, Google.]

My point is: set your standards high, and have confidence that you are correct in having high standards.    It’s okay to be picky if you know that you have something to offer in return.   This applies to both men and women, but not to fish.

On How a Good Time was Had by All

This past weekend was my ten year high school reunion.  That’s a long time.  Ten years.

So we had our high school reunion.  It was…okay.  My kid really enjoyed the lake part.  I enjoyed talking to the people I chatted with.

A really fun part of my weekend – oddly – was at some random party [not as random as I thought, since the guy’s whose house it was work WITH MY DAD!!] in a house by the lake.

Now, in high school, I toed the line maybe once or twice, but I never got into any serious trouble nor did I engage in any “bad” behavior.  Of course,  I can’t say the same about Mankato, but I have been 21+ for almost all of the fun times I’ve had, even if I don’t remember some of them.  I’ve only been to one, maybe two, house parties in my life.  Most people who meet me now never would have imagined that I was not as generally awesome as I am now.  😉  So, to go to a house party at whim, and subsequently have an overall blast in my home town, caught me completely off guard.  But it was fun!  And impromptu.

Those who converse with me, or read this blog know that in the past couple of months I have had plans that have been completely impromptu – specifically this time and last weekend when I was supposed to have a vacation and then an alteration of plans.  I had planned to go to the reunion, planned my vacation last week.  I did not plan to visit my cousin or go to some rando party.  How does that saying go?

“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” – Of Mice and Men

Sounds about right.

Or in my own words: the best plans are those made spur of the moment.

Of course, lately these fantastic times have included my cousin; so maybe it’s just his awesomeness exuding itself.

On How the Vacation Gods Can Go Suck It

I was supposed to be on an amazing mini-vacation this week.  I took three days off from work.  It was supposed to be five nights away from home NOT worrying about my kid, about anything but having a good time.

That. Did.  Not.  Happen.

First, my five night trip got shortened to three thanks to my ex being a d-bag and not communicating like I asked him.  Next, torrential rains in Canada prevented travelling.  Then, relative in hospital – not mine, thank goodness, but still, sucky.

Now, I salvaged the weekend part by going to visit my cousin in Morris, MN, whom I haven’t seen in about ten years.  It was awesome to catch up and get to know each other, and I would daresay I have a friend as well as relative, so that is great.  🙂

Then, back in K-town, it all fell to shit again.  Monday Q and I were going to go to the pool and spend a lovely sunny day swimming and splashing.  JUST KIDDING!, said the weather.  It was windy and kinda crappy.  Sure, we played outside for part of the day, but that only resulted what I suspect was a bit of a cold that seriously aggravated his asthma “reactive airway disease”, because [enter deity to ‘take in vain’ here] forbid we label children too early with something that can actually be relatively-easily diagnosed, and is by no means over-diagnosed or medicated.  [I’m poking fingers at you: all doctors who throw ADD and ADHD out as a blanket for hyperactive children.]  Anyway, after a night of waking up, literally, every two hours to use the nebulizer, we finally get in to see the doctor around 3-ish.  She proceeds to scold me for giving him too much albuterol, even though that’s how much he’d get in the hospital anyway, and for not bringing him in to the doctor.  Except I BROUGHT HIM IN TO THE DOCTOR!!! UUUUGGGHHH!

I kind of just want to go back tomorrow, except that I ALSO have to prep my apartment for some dudes to come in and replace windows sometime in the next week OR SO, but I don’t know when exactly.  Because [and again, enter deity to ‘take in vain’ here] forbid they give us some sort of timeline.  As if I am going to move EVERYTHING in my apartment away from all the windows and leave it that way for an unknown period of time that could last up to two weeks, just to wait for them to get around to replacing my windows that don’t even have anything wrong with them.  Ugh.

Dear Vacation Gods,

You’re a bunch of ass hats.  You suck.  You are terrible.  If I had I had any hope that this “vacation” could be salvaged, it’s over now since I go back to work Thursday morning.

You sicken me.  I am disgusted.

On How My Laziness is Prevalent

A while ago, I wrote a fun, short post meant purely to be humorous.  Here.  Because what’s a few more hits on what I believe is my most “popular” post.  This post contained picture, drawn by ME, which were humorous imaginations of Google search terms.

I should have known.  Posting about Google search terms which are [I guess?] popular search terms was going to result in skewed stats.  The only reason that post is popular is BECAUSE of those search terms.  Ugh.  Sometimes I am annoyed by that, but other times, I use it to coast along in oblivious admiration of how popular my blog is.  I just kick back for days on end thinking, “Aaaaaaah – I’m so popular!”  Seriously – I have over 100 hits everyday.  I imagine it’s countless WordPress users stumbling upon my blog and realizing what a genius I am, but let’s face facts: I’m  lazy, and that one post is probably keeping those stat bars raised.  Like the roof.  [See what I did there?  It was a joke.  Like raising the roof ;)]

Some other search terms that seem to support my stats?

“peas”     “supernovas”     “rocks”     “brillo pad”

Some obscure search terms that I am curious to understand how that led to MY particular blog?

“wrapped up urinals”  Have I ever talked about urinals?  I know I’ve talked about bathrooms, but urinals?

“gym bathrooms” Again, GYM bathrooms?  Is it because in one post I mentioned the gym in passing and in another I hate on stupid bathroom photos?

“reverse crunch black and white”  I get this one sort of.  I mean – I mentioned reverse crunches.  I wasn’t aware they could be black or white.  This isn’t a Michael Jackson song

“order fulfillment”  What?

The moral of the story, folks, is that if you make a funny post using popular Google search terms, they will carry your blog to “fame”.  Oh, and also that I’m lazy.  😀

[Please keep reading though because I like to feel awesome. ;)]

On Fifty Shades of Grey – A Book Review

As I often do, I jumped on a bandwagon.  Which one, you ask?  Or maybe you didn’t, I don’t really care.   I’m writing this – not you.

Whoa – sorry about that.  I had a little moment.

Anyway, bandwagon – I jumped on one.  I read the Fifty Shades trilogy.  I mostly read it because my friend’s husband said that it was supposed to be based on Twilight or was a Twilight fan novel or something of that nature.  He isn’t the first to say it; I’m sure he won’t be the last.  I wanted to prove him wrong, and in my head, I did.  I have yet to pass on to him that news.

Sure, it’s a romance novel and so is Twilight.  Sure, the relationship moves exceptionally fast in an exceptionally short period of time and so it does in Twilight.  But really, that’s where any similarity ends.  The woman in this story is NOTHING like the “heroine” [and I use that word loosely] in Twilight – except that she is a brunette and is initially described as plain.  She’s much more strong willed – and the image of her in my head has not been tainted because a sh*tty actress played her in the movie version.

Side note:  I read somewhere [I think on another blog?] that Kristen Stewart, aka no-facial-expression-chick, said she and Robert Pattinson, aka hit-in-the-face-with-a-shovel-because-it’s-flat, would be perfect in a movie version of this book.  When asked if she knew what the book was about or ever read it, the answer was no.  Awesome.

                                               

Ugh.  I don’t ever want to see these two in a movie again together EVER.

[Isn’t it bad enough they picked her to star in a Snow White adaptation?  How does she keep getting roles opposite big named stars and/or men who are, arguably, considered some of the sexiest men?  It makes me ill.]

I seem to have gotten off topic.  My point, my original point, was that Fifty Shades and Twilight are not alike at all.

Fifty Shades was a good read.  I really enjoyed it.  It’s not appropriate work place reading, I’ll tell you that.  But in all honesty,  it’s like any other Harlequin romance novel out there:

                                       

Are you going to try to tell me that THESE aren’t slightly erotic looking?  Or that their titles aren’t leading in any way?  No. 

So basically, what I am saying is that Fifty Shades is a series of novels written for women readers.  It’s a good story; I enjoyed it.  It has nothing to do with vampires.

The End.