On the One[s] Who Got Away [and Why That Is Okay]

For those who are caught up on my all of my posts, you know that I have attempted to describe in detail, before, the multitude of feelings regarding love and self-confidence and the intersection of them.  I can never 100% put my finger on a really good description that truly conveys what it’s like for me, personally.  This article is pretty accurate.

However, in case  you don’t want to read the whole thing, here are some highlights that I found really struck a cord, or two, within me:

“To be honest, the sequence of events – with years and years intervening – is hazy in my mind, though the memories are as intense as if it all happened yesterday. “

“Every time he looked at me, I felt like my life would be incomplete without him, and that something – him – was missing from within me at that very second. I would smile back.”

“I felt like I’d been made a part of the universe and that everything in creation existed – in some way – to please me. “

“I’d felt – so strongly – what was possible between two people. But it was also a curse. I constantly yearned for that heavy, consuming passion. For the unspoken intimacy in the moment our lips connected. I can only describe it as transcendence.”

“But since he and I had been absolutely avoiding each other for over 10 years, the message felt like a revelation.”

“I’m a better person for having felt and understood those feelings. I aspire to an all-consuming love. I’m released from my attachment to that man and that moment in particular, and I’m free to find – and have found – more thrilling adventures in life and in love.”

I can honestly say, there are a few of those in my life.  The One Who Got Away.  They’re not all “loves of my life”, nor are they all ex-boyfriends.  But they do hold an auspicious place in my head and in my heart.  I sometimes sit and think, “What if?”  What if I had married THAT guy?  What if HE had called me back?  Why DID he re-add me to Facebook, message me, and then stop talking to me all-together?  How come THAT guy texted me and made plans with me a week in advance, and then completely bailed on me; or better yet, what made him decide to text me in the first place – as it was a year since we’d last spoken?  What would have happened if HE had thought of me as more than “just a friend”?  [And who doesn’t hate hearing, “we’re just friends“?!]  I don’t know.  I don’t know.   I don’t know.   I don’t know.  And I don’t know.  I’ll probably never know, because there’s comes a point when you need let it be just that: speculation.  Maybe someday, I’ll know.  Or maybe someday, I will never think of one or more of them again.  And you know what, I’m quite okay with that because I learn more and more about myself everytime.  Or in some cases, the simple act of initially catching their eye boosts my confidence a little bit.  After all, who doesn’t love a bit of innocent flirting?  😉

Ps,  my favorite line of the whole article?  “Don’t judge! Social networking has made proud internet stalkers of us all.”

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